


Edward: The Creepy Vampire

by thek9kid



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Mental Institutions, Night Terrors, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 02:16:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6546439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thek9kid/pseuds/thek9kid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Parody) Bella Swan suffers from horrible night terrors, every night she dreams that a creepy vampire named Edward sneaks into her room and eats her. To find some relief, she checks herself into a mental institution, but it's not helping and Edward won't leave her dreams alone. Warnings for: mental illness, sleep disorders, and Edward bashing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Edward: The Creepy Vampire

A/N: Hey guys so I had to write a parody for my creative writing class, so since I don’t like Bella or Edward and like most of the other characters I decided to make Bella insane and Edward just a really bad recurring dream. I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I DON’T OWN THE CHARACTERS, JUST THE PLOT. 

 

Bella had finally drifted off into a deep sleep when the sound of breaking glass and raspy breath drew her attention. “Go away,” Bella whispered quietly into her pillow, her head turned away from the broken window which framed her tormentor, Edward, the Creepy Vampire. “You’re not real; just leave me alone.”

“But you’re so beautiful when you sleep, like a little baby kitten, so delicious. Your smell is intoxicating, like bacon.” He said, his voice smooth as silk, but cold and calculating, like a serial killer luring it’s prey into his jaws of death.

“Seriously? Bacon, that’s all you got, I just want to sleep, go away.” Bella responded to her creepy intruder, sitting up she turned to Edward, hoping that he wouldn’t be there, she was so tired, but nope. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Bella screamed. Edward had advanced, his face morphing, teeth elongating into hideous, grotesque fangs. He pounced, his terrible fangs sinking into her flesh tearing her apart, she tried to fight him off, but he was just too strong.

“Bella, wake up. It’s just a nightmare, he’s not here, you’re ok.” A different voice penetrated her mind, but where was it coming from? “Bella, c’mon kid, wake up.” There it was again, that voice, so soft and gentle, she wanted to see its owner. What face belonged to that calming voice? The scene around her started to change, the blood splattered on the walls faded away, the broken glass from the window repaired itself, and Edward finally disappeared, in his terrifying wake was Nurse Jacob. “It’s over.” He smiled, his dark face illuminated by the moonlight seeping in through the intact window.

“Damnit!” Bella exclaimed exhausted, angrily hitting the side of her bed with a trembling fist, “Why won’t they stop? Why won’t they just let me sleep? I know they’re not real, I know that, but the dreams are so vivid, sometimes they seem more real than this world. Jake? Will they ever stop?”

Jake hesitated, he was just a nurse, honestly he didn’t know how long her nightmares would last before the doctors finally got her meds corrected so her nightly torments would end. “Bella, they will stop soon, just hang in there a little longer. okay?” Bella nodded and laid back down on her pillows while Nurse Jake did some nursey things that she didn’t really understand. Once he was finished, he patted her leg gently, “Night Bella.”

“Good night Jake.”

The next morning Bella did what she always had for the past week she’d been here. She got up, walked down the boring white halls to the boring white cafeteria with the boring, bland tasting food she despised. She passed Mikey on the right whispering to himself and the walls about the aliens out to get him. On her left was Jody, who thinks she’s an alien and every once in a while attacks Mikey with pencils and Jason who thinks she’s Jesus. 

As Bella entered the cafeteria she passed Kriste a woman who thinks she’s a waffle, then spotted her only friend here, “Morning Bell.” Jessica said, “Did you get any sleep tonight?” They both got boring white trays and proceeded down the breakfast line.

“I got a few hours before the nightmares struck again, Edward ate me this time.” Bella informed her friend, she found it nice to talk about her nightmares with someone who wasn’t analyzing every little thing about her.

“So what type of vampire is he? Is he more of a dracula, ‘I vill vrink your blood!’ sort or the hot ‘you’re the only one for me in the past 2 million years’ type?” Jess asked trying to make her laugh, she looked so sad this morning.

Bella laughed, leave it to Jess to turn her terrifying nightmare into a cheesy horror/romance movie “He’s like a mix, all the creep factor of dracula but he has a face like a greek god, a terrifying, blood sucking, creepy, greek god who can’t make up his mind if he wants to kill me or rape me.” Bella said as the two made their way through the line, Jess grabbed a little of everything, but Bella stuck with Oatmeal with brown sugar and raisins. 

“That sucks sister. Hope the doc. finally gets your meds right it’s been a while.” Jess sympathised, she knew exactly what her friend was going through. Jessica suffers from Bipolar Depression, but when she’s on her meds she’s a lot more like herself, more calm and in control of herself. The two friends found a deserted table and plopped down to eat. Jess dug right in apparently her tastebuds were defective, because the food all tasted like crap to Bella. She took a few experimental bites of what looked to be oatmeal, to be honest it wasn’t that bad, but Bella just wasn’t in the mood to eat very much.

“You excited to go home soon?” Bella asked redirecting the conversation off her nightmares.

“I can’t wait to see my dad, and Lee, my big brother, he’s coming home on leave from the army in about a week, so we’ll both be back at the same time!” Jess answered enthusiastically, digging into her pancakes drowned in syrup.

“That’s awesome Jess, I’m gonna miss you so much, you’re my only friend around here.” Bella answered sadly, don’t get her wrong, she was happy for her friend, but Jess made the days here almost bearable. “I gotta go see Doctor Cullen for our weekly therapy session. Yay.” Bella said sarcastically, rolling her eyes, she hated him with a passion, every session, he made her feel weak and vulnerable and she hated that. 

“I’ll see you later then?” Jess asked spraying bits of toast out of her mouth as she did so.

“Totally.” Bella said laughing a little as she hugged her friend. 

Bella began the dreaded trek to Dr. Cullen’s office where terrible conversations about feelings and crap were about to take place. As she neared the strong mahogany door she took a deep breath and steeled herself for the next hour of torture. She knocked on the door and a soft “Enter.” came from within, so she entered, “Ah, Bella, good to see you again, have a seat.” Doctor Cullen said in his annoyingly posh voice that grated on Bella’s every nerve, gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk, so she did. “Did you have any dreams last night?” He asked, that was always the first question he asked during these pointless sessions.

“I didn’t have any dreams, just nightmares, the same one as always.” Bella replied sinking down in her seat trying to seep through the seat down through the floor and into the earth where hopefully she would be deposited into middle earth and have awesome adventures with Frodo and Sam and never see the stupid doctor ever again.

“Even so can you tell me about your dream?”

“Fine, Edward the creepy vampire smashed through my window, told me I smelled like bacon and then he ate me. Can I go now?” Bella explained quickly trying to leave.

“Nice try Bella but I have a few more questions.” Dr. Cullen said and Bella groaned dramatically sitting back down and the session droned on and on, feelings, blah blah blah, emotions, blah blah blah, abandonment issues, blah blah blah, past trauma with bacon, blah blah blah. All in all Bella got nothing out of the session.

“Can’t you just give me drugs so I can sleep?” Bella asked exhausted by the end of the hour.

“Sorry kid, that’s just not the way it works, this afternoon you’ll have a physical with Dr. John and after that we’ll try a varied regiment of drugs and see if that lessens the nightmares.” Dr. Cullen said as he scribbled more notes in his pad.

“Fine. Now can I go?” Bella asked again frustrated and tired.

“Yes of course.” Dr. Cullen answered dismissively. The rest of the day past in a daze. Bella read about half of the only one of her books she hadn’t read yet, it was about werewolves and fairies, no vampires thank god. She put off going to her physical by hanging out with Jess and pulling a few pranks on the staff, Doctor Cullen never saw the pie coming, don’t ask where the pie comes from only Crazy Uncle Ben knows and he’s not telling. When the time came she went to her physical and let the balding doctor poke and prod her until she felt like she was going to explode, and finally at lights out she had a different drug that would hopefully extinguish her creepy stalker vampire from the depths of her mind. 

As she laid in bed that night it was with the hope of finally a peaceful night’s rest but nope, the universe must hate her so.

“Hey Bells! This time you smell like hamburgers!” The silky smooth voice of her tormentor sounded.

“Dammit!” Bella groaned loudly throwing her pillow at the stupid creepy vampire.


End file.
